Sunday, January 31, 2010

My Mother-In-Law Hates Me

Many of you read the title and said to yourself "Yeah right, MY mother-in-law really hates me". Okay, sit back relax and see if you still feel that way after reading my story.

Mi esposo and I have have been married for five years. We've known each other for much longer. I had his younger brother in class. I met my soon to be MIL at that time. My BIL was a good student. He was smart, funny, and always did his work. He was just very social. No matter who you put him next to, he would talk. If you put him by himself he would talk to himself. Our team called his Mom in to let her know and to see if she had any suggestions to keep him focused. She had none, but was pleased we cared enough to call her in.

I was also the cheerleading coach for the district. My BIL (brother-in-law) played football, so he was at every game and so was I. MIL was there as well. She was always pleasant and said hello and made small chitchat at each game. I thought she was normal and actually nice.

Fast forward a few years. Mi esposo was studying to take his GED. I ran into him going into a store one afternoon. He asked me to help him out and tutor him so he would pass. I've done this type of tutoring before, so I was happy to help out. We met several times over the next couple of months. It was so much fun spending time with him. We got a lot of work done and had fun at the same time.  When he called to tell me he passed, we went out to celebrate.

One thing led to another and we began dating. After dating for a year, he proposed and we were married. Two months before we were married my BIL met and married a stripper from a local club. The wedding was put together in 24 hours. We were all in attendance. Everyone was so happy. Mi esposo and I were not. This was a match made in Hades.

My MIL took my former SIL (yep, they're divorced) out to dinner to celebrate right after their honeymoon to welcome her to the family. SG called me to tell me how much fun they had together.

Mi esposo and I were married that July. The next month we were having dinner at his parents house (his Mom and Step-Dad). She pulled me aside while the guys were looking at a new computer downstairs. She told me that mi esposo would always love Natalie (his first love, former fiance) and she wished things would have worked out between them. I was floored.  I said okay, you're entitled to your own opinion.

Needless to say, she's never taken me out for a get to know you, welcome to the family dinner. There is also a nice big picture of mi esposo and Natalie in the family room, still. They broke up in 1999.

The second year of our marriage she came over to our house and presented mi esposo with a birthday gift. It was a photo album of pictures she had put together especially for him. It started out so sweet, pictures of him as a baby, toddler, elementary school, junior high and high school. Then an entire section of pictures of Natalie and him, pictures of just Natalie and Natalie with my BIL. I said nothing, I just got up and left the room. That hurt. They argued, she left. She said it was MY fault for overreacting. I didn't overreact, I just left the room.

Things have not gotten any better. I always try to be nice, it gets me nowhere. I make sure I buy her a birthday, Mother's Day, and Christmas gift every year. Guess what she bought for me? One gift since we've been married, a gift card to a plus sized store. I'm not plus-sized.

If you're still not a believer, this will convince you. She tried to poison me in 2007. Yes, you read it right, POISON me. I try to never go over her house, one summer day I relented and  we stopped by to pick something up. My MIL was being so sweet. She asked me how things were going and offered me a glass of iced tea. She came out with two glasses, one for me and one for mi esposo. I reached for a glass and she quickly said "No, this one is for you". Okayyyyyy. I took the glass, drank it. At the bottom of the glass was a white powdered substance. I started to feel dizzy. I asked what was that, she said oh nothing, just dust. Dust?

On the way home I felt so sick, we had to pull over. Twice. The next day she called mi esposo and asked how I was doing. Not one time in her entire life has she called our house to ask how I was doing. I don't have any proof, but what do you think happened?

Needless to say, I have very little to do with this woman now. Mi esposo handles anything having to do with her. I refuse to step foot in her house.  Try to take me out once, shame on you. Try it again, shame on me.

Watching my back,
Monica

Friday, January 29, 2010

I am NOT your personal "Geek Squad", okay yes I am.

Everyone who knows me knows that I enjoy technology. I'm always the first to have a new gadget and I also teach technology education for children and adults. These two facts have led to me become everyone's personal geek squad.

My phone rings at work and at home constantly. Here's a sample of the kinds of calls I receive:

"Help, I lost channel 4 on my Direct TV box!!! What do I do????"
Cable channels are not the same as Direct TV channels.

"I forgot my login and password, do you know what it is?"
No, I don't have everyone's password in the building. Please call tech support.

"My printer is jammed, I don't see any paper, help!"
I went to her room and opened the printer and pulled out a piece of paper. 
"Oh, you're supposed to open the front?" 

"I can't listen to voicemails on my Blackberry. Can you call my phone and figure it out?"
Have you tried calling *86? "Yes" What did the recording say? "You have no unheard messages."
That means you don't have any voicemails. "Oh".

"My modem won't connect to the internet. I plugged it in, why won't it work?" (before WiFi)
Do you have an internet service provider? "What's that mean?" A company that allows you to go online, like Roadrunner, AT&T, or Verizon. "I thought all you had to do was plug in your computer and the internet just came to your house." No.

These are just some of the questions I have fielded. I honestly don't mind. Unless it's after 10:00 pm or before 7:00 am. Prices triple during those times ;)

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Upcoming Blogs

-Latism!!!

-Reality TV

-I am NOT your personal "Geek Squad", okay yes I am.

-Coda is my heart.

-July 13, 2007

***Stay tuned***

TWLOHA...

To Write Love on Her Arms
MISSION STATEMENT:
To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.  TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.



I have a member of my family that struggles with severe clinical depression and self mutilation. She is a beautiful young woman who has so much pain and sadness inside of her. In order to release this sadness, she cuts herself. Her arms are full of old and new scars. MM is absolutely beautiful inside and out. She's smart, funny, creative and so full of kindness.

Most of her depression comes from her longing for her father. MM's father walked out of her life when she was five years old. Just walked away, no reason with no explanation. She used to cry every year on her birthday growing up because she hoped and prayed her Dad would remember and call or send a card. It never happened.

Last year he contacted her mother via email. He wanted to talk to MM because his second wife and he were having a baby soon. He wanted to share the news with his 'daughter'. Her mother agreed, and gave him MM's email.

MM's father wrote to her, she was so excited until she read the email. It was all about how excited he was to have this new member of the family. How excited he was to be able to give her a baby brother. MM was crushed. He never asked about her, how her life was going. Never apologized for leaving and never looking back all those years ago.

MM is a well written young woman. She had been waiting for this opportunity for many years. She wrote the most intelligent and pointed response I had ever seen. All the hurt, anger and sadness flowed out perfectly. MM had finally gotten all of this off her chest. It felt good. She felt good. A weight had been lifted, for the moment.

His response was typical. He blamed MM's mother for poisoning her against him. He wrote back nasty note and it broke her heart yet again. Still no apology or explanation. He was rude and insulting. MM finally got to see who he really was, she finally was able to let go.

Now that MM is older, she is able to better deal with her feelings of depression over her lack of relationship with her father. She is in therapy with extremely competent mental health professionals. She is still taking things one day at a time. I hope to see her arms clear one day, but until then I will support her and the wonderful organization To Write Love on Her Arms. I will also write love on my arm whenever I feel she needs me.

http://www.twloha.com/vision/

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Relief

Today has been a wonderful day. Mi hija is spending time with her friends tonight and mi esposo and I spent the entire day having fun together.

As I've blogged before things have been really rough between us lately. It's tough when finances and no communication come between two people that love each other. Throw in a major health crisis and it spells disaster.

We went through my diary together and I read him passages when we were dating and when we first were married. He was so touched I wrote literally every thing that happened during that time. How much I loved him and how I just loved to just look at him while he was sleeping. Not in a "Paranormal Activity" creepy way, but a deeply in love way.

By the way, "Paranormal Activity" was the scariest movie I have EVER seen. It kept me up for 4 days. I was scared out of my mind. I lit candles, bathed in Holy Water, and prayed hourly. Bad spirit in that movie. Also brought up bad memories and issues from the past.

Anyway, I am happy to report at this time on this day, I am happy. Things are going well. I hope and pray this continues.

**Side note, I have kept a diary since grade 6. It has been the best way to work out issues and document important events. I highly recommend it.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Bueno...

Mi hermano just texted me good news. His wife and he are having a boy!!! I called it. Un chico. I'm so happy. This is their first baby. The doctor says everything looks good and the baby and Gina are healthy. I needed some upbeat happy news.

I love shopping for baby stuff. When my sister had her baby, I bought more stuff than you could ever imagine. Diapers, bottles, bobos, clothes, socks, toys, you name it. Babies R Us loves me. I'm not joking!

I always wanted to have another baby, but I don't think that's going to be possible. We've been trying for 5 years and nothing, nada. I guess everything happens for a reason.

If I can't be a new Mommy, I can be the best Auntie I can be.

Guess what I'm doing after work tomorrow...

Joyful,
Monica

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Mi hija



This is my daughter Brianna. She was born on June 6, 1992. I was a single Mom still in college and was shocked to find out that I was pregnant, but excited as well. My parents didn't take the news well. In fact they didn't even talk to me for a long time. After Brianna was born all was forgiven. She's been by my side since the day she was born. It was always Bri and me against the world. Now she's a senior in high school and going away to school in the fall. I'm going to miss her like crazy. I love her and hope she will be a happy and successful adult.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I love you Taylor!


Many years ago I met Taylor. He was a quiet boy in my Science class. He always looked sad or really sleepy. One day I started to ask questions about some of the stickers on his binder. Turns out he loved to snowboard and to skateboard. I'd never seen any spark in him until that day. From then on he would come to class and show me a picture or tell me a story about boarding. Taylor was a completely different person now.

We continued to be close all year. I found out that his parents were divorced and his mother was on her third marriage. She always married money plus she had a good job on her own. Taylor's mother traveled constantly, for business or pleasure. She was always gone. She would throw a bunch of money at him and say, see you in a week with an air kiss.

Taylor's father remarried and had a new family, so he rarely saw Taylor and his sister. It was around this time that Taylor became my emotionally adopted son. He would come to me before and after school just to talk. He would sit at my chair in the back of the class and leave little hello notes.

Every year we take the 8th grade students to Washington DC. This year Taylor and his friends were in my group. We had the best time. I know Washington like the back of my hand, so I was able to give them the insider's tour. On the way back home Taylor's mother called my cell phone. She wanted him to know that she was going out of town and wouldn't be there to pick him up when the buses got back to Ohio. She wanted me to make sure he got home okay.

I was floored she was gone the week before he left and was leaving again. That would be three weeks in a row she wouldn't see her son. She didn't even care. I made sure he had someone to stay with and that he was taken care of when we got back in town.

Eighth grade graduation day arrived. She was there taking pictures and looking so proud. It made me mad, she knew nothing about him. So phony. After the ceremony, she came up to me, hugged me and said "Thank you for taking such good care of my son all year". "He would have never made it without you". I said you're welcome and walked away.

Taylor and I remained close all through his high school years. It was me he called when he was upset or psyched about something. We spent a lot of time talking and hanging out. I never met a person that needed love and attention more than him. Yes, he had every material thing in the world, but no love from his blood family. I was there to take pictures at his prom and proudly sat at his high school graduation.

We're still close. We celebrated his 21st birthday this past summer. Taylor's a junior in college and doing quite well. He still calls me when he is happy or sad. He still hugs me for the longest time when he sees me. Most importantly, he calls me "Mom".

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Mustard Seed

One of my favorite stores is the Mustard Seed. There are two locations in Northeastern Ohio, one in Montrose, the other in Solon. It's like a smaller version of Whole Foods.

I've been trying to go back to a gluten-free diet (to help with my immune system issues and allergies) and now that I've been struck with awful migraines a non-MSG/nitrate/sulfate diet. All this means is I can eat nothing I like. I LOVE cheese, carbs, and Chinese food. Each one of these things is no longer good for me.

The Mustard Seed sells organic, vegan, vegetarian,  gluten-free, dairy free, non-msg versions of many of the foods I enjoy (except for cheese, sigh). Today I purchased a delicious chicken salad, a half of pound of oven roasted deli turkey, pita bread and BBQ potato chips. All safe to eat. I actually felt full and happy after dinner today. The only downfall is the price. Muy caro. Very expensive. My health is worth it, and so is yours!!

Mustard Seed Market

Hmmm

As a followup to my last blog, mi esposo decided he loved me again. What that really means is that he realized that he would lose everything (truck, insurance, money, house, etc) if he left me. Right now I'm going to play his game. My daughter needs stability at this time in her life. She's a senior in high school and looking forward to going to college in the fall. Nothing is going to happen to shake up this house until she moves out in the fall.

When she leaves all bets are off. I'm working very hard to make this house "sale-worthy". I'm praying this economy gets better, so I will make some sort of profit when/if it sells. I'm moving to Arizona and starting over. Fresh. Healthy. Happy.

Speaking of healthy, I haven't been. I ended up in the ER right after I finished the last blog post. I had the worst headache I have ever had in my entire life. I honestly thought I was having a stroke. Thoughts of fellow blogger Anissa Mayhew came to mind. (#prayersforanissa) *see Twitter search for details*

The ER was a nightmare. I had the worst nurse and doctor I have ever had in my long medical history. My CT scan was negative so the harried doctor wanted to perform a spinal tap on me. Umm, no. He's running around dealing with a bunch of issues all around me. No way would I let him stick a needle in my spine on a good day, especially not that particular day. I left and signed a paper stating that I was "non-compliant". Yep, I'm also walking.

I followed up with my doctor's office the next day. My personal doctor was not available, so I agreed to be seen by the new physician on staff. Big mistake. He told me to rest and take an Aleve. Those of you who have ever had a severe headache or migraine knows that is complete BS. I'm now waiting to be seen by a specialist at the Cleveland Clinic. I do have pain killers and a muscle relaxer, so that will have to do the trick until I get actual professional help.

Besos

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Mi esposo

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We've been together for 6 years. When we were married he was homeless and had no job. There is an age difference of 11 years between us, I am 11 years older than him.

He has lost his job for the third year in a row. Every time he gets a new job everything is wonderful. We have money and all is well. As soon as he loses his job, he turns on me. He gets depressed and takes out his anger on me.

I've been through this three times now. He was laid off from his last job two weeks before Christmas this year. Awful timing as usual. He was sad that he couldn't buy any presents. Honestly I could care less about presents. That's not what Christmas is about for me. It's about Jesus' birth, Mass, and spending time with friends and family.

I understand his frustration. He has some college classes (I strongly encouraged him to go, but he dropped out before getting his Associates Degree). I helped him with every class. I am an enabler. I admit it. I just wanted him to do well and to accomplish something. He wants a career, but doesn't want to put in the effort. He wants to join the military, but he has no discipline. He's extremely overweight, but continues to eat and work out whenever.

Everything we have is in my name. The house, the trucks, the bills, his 4-wheeler. All mine. I pay all the bills. I have for the last three years. He pays most of his car payment, all of his 4-wheeler payment, and some of the auto insurance for his truck. The rest is up to me. Yes, I have a good job. I have two degrees. I make good money. I am blessed. I thank God every day for blessing me.

He has barely spoken to me since he lost his job this time. He has decided that I am the problem in our relationship and he is unhappy. He wants nothing to do with me anymore. He doesn't feel the same about me anymore. According to him all I do is nag. I don't hang out with his friends or him.

I'll back up for a minute. All of his friends are single. All of his friends except for two are criminals, with criminal records. All of his friends do drugs. I don't like any of them. These are not the kind of people I want to hang out with at any time.

I work all day, come home cook, do chores, watch a little tv, workout, talk to mi hija, then go to bed. I have a stressful job. I work long hours, I don't have time to hang out. I don't even have the time to enjoy my own friends. During an argument yesterday I asked him, "When was the last time I went out with my friends?". He had no reply. It's been that long. I don't even remember the last time I was social.

He says I spent too much time social networking. I tweet a lot. I admit. I love it! I enjoy the connections I have made and I cherish the time I spend online.

He goes out every day and every night. His best friends own a drive thru. He basically lives there. When he is home, he's playing video games or playing with his iPhone. Oh, he does pay that bill of course.

We used to have a wonderful relationship in the beginning. We went out all the time, comedy clubs, Dave and Busters, shopping, movies, and nice dinners. That all stopped.

Part of the reason it stopped was because I got sick, really sick. I had to take a year off of work to deal with my illness (another post). I had to learn to walk again. My life changed and he resents me for it.

My husband doesn't want to be with me anymore. He wants a divorce. He's unhappy, I'm unhappy. He doesn't want to try anymore. I've given up and I'm going to let him go.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

A Perfect Lie?

You may wonder why I called my blog "A Perfect Lie" or "Una Mentira Perfecta" in Spanish. I feel like my life is exactly that sometimes. What you see on the outside is completely different from what's on the inside. I plan to share the 'real' me in this blog.

I try to appear to be perfect. My appearance, what I wear, my professional life, and how I project myself to others. I almost never say what I really want to say, unless I get mad. Sometimes not even then. I'll give you a perfect example of this in another posting soon. (It's going to be a rough one, so hold on people!)

A perfect lie is the name of the theme song from one of my favorite shows, "Nip/Tuck". I love the show and the song fits in, well perfectly. The song is performed by The Engine Room. Here are the lyrics:
make me... beautiful

make me... beautiful
perfect soul
perfect mind
perfect face
a perfect... lie

make me... beautiful

make me... beautiful
perfect soul
perfect mind
perfect face
a perfect...
prefect soul
perfect mind
perfect face
a perfect... lie
a perfect... lie

a perfect...lie
a perfect...lie

   
I know no one is perfect. As you get to know me, you'll find out I'm not even close.

Makeup

I love beauty products. My bathroom is overflowing with stuff from almost every store.

My favorite makeup is BareMinerals. I usually don't watch infomercials, but this one caught my eye one night. I wanted foundation that actually matched my skin tone and didn't make me look "ashy". The next morning I headed to the Bare Escentuals store at our local mall. I had a makeover by the most awesome woman. I couldn't believe how wonderful the makeup looked on me. It wasn't a complete cover up, you can still see my freckles, but the blemishes were gone. Needless to say, I bought the starter pack that very day.

I have super sensitive skin and allergies, so I was leary, but I have had no issues with the makeup. I wear the foundation, the Well-Rested concealer, Clear Radiance, the lipstick, and the Buxom mascara. Definitely go with the Prime Time primer. It will really hold and give you the flawless look on your eyes.

I've been wearing BareMinerals for four years now. Love it.

Check out the site and give it a try. BareMinerals

Welcome

I finally did it. I created my very own blog.

My name is Monica. I'm mixed Cuban, Native American, and Black. I'm married and have one daughter. I also have a son that I have emotionally adopted (more on him in another posting).

I am passionate about religion, social media, technology, reality tv, Latino issues, beauty products and medical information.

This first post is going to be short. Trust me, the rest will be longer.

Enjoy the ride!