Sunday, August 22, 2010

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

Some scars are on the inside...

Taking one day at a time,

Thursday, August 19, 2010


My first year of teaching was hectic. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I admit it. No clue. College does not prepare you for anything that will happen in a realistic school day. Student behavior, psycho parents, inept administrators, backstabbing teachers, lack of supplies, etc.

Those are just the negative happenings around a school building. There are many, many more positives. The messy little faces that run up to you for hugs at the end of the day. The piles of interesting gifts on your desk around the holidays. A parent that stops by just to tell you that you're her child's favorite teacher.

During my first year of teaching I met a student who did not speak very good English. Her name was Pina. I read her file and discovered that she always came about 2 weeks late into the school year because she was in Italy on holiday. The day she arrived I knew she would be special to me.

Pina stayed with me during recess everyday practicing English and helping me grade papers and clean the classroom. I always tried to encourage her to go outside, but she never wanted to go. She did this the entire school year.

The next year we both changed grades. I was now teaching a higher grade and Pina had made friends over the summer. We still kept in touch all through her schooling. I was there for her communion, her high school graduation, and her college graduation. If you know anything about big Italian celebrations, you are made to feel like family. Plus you don't leave until you are FULL. Mama says so!

Pina was recently married in Italy to the love of her life on August 4, 2010. I was invited to go, but I was sick and could not make the journey. I told her I was there in spirit. Teaching is so much more than just a paycheck.



Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Mi Madre...

Yesterday was my mother's birthday. She didn't want gifts, just her children y su nene over for dinner. Sounds simple right? It should have been.

My Dad picked up chicken from some unknown place and my Mom cooked a bunch of sides. My new meds don't allow me to drink soda, so I couldn't drink anything and I wasn't hungry. She was immediately offended and proceeded to make comments under her breath for the rest of the dinner.

Every who knows me knows I am under dietary restrictions. If I don't know where it came from and what it's made of, I don't eat it. I don't make a big deal about it either. I stay quiet and eat what I can, when I can.

Time for dessert. There were two choices, a double chocolate cake and an apple pie. No chocolate, but the apple pie would be okay as long as I ate a small piece. I guess my piece wasn't so small to her. In front of everyone she says, "Oh, I see what you're eating, sweets. Obviously you have been eating SOMETHING over there". Her words were like a hot knife cutting through my wrist. Her ojos full of disappointment.

I am so hurt and saddened by her comments. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. First mi esposo emotionally and verbally abuses me and mi madre finishes me off. There is only so much a person can take.

Why am I so hurt? Mi madre has always been thin her entire life. Even after having her babies. She was so happy that I was thin as well. Until I got really sick in 2007. After that she constantly makes comments about my weight. My sister-in-law is super thin, so at the table I looked like the elephant in the room.
I've finally snapped. I haven't eaten much of anything since Sunday. It makes it easy since I have zero dolares. I've lost interest in everything and everyone one.

Triste y sola,