Saturday, January 22, 2011

Ay Mami...

I've been in love with exactly three men. All of them have "Mother" issues. Intrigued? Read on!

Let's begin with R, my first love. I've known him since we were in middle school. I had the biggest crush on him and he never paid any attention to me. He actually never paid any attention to anyone. R was super shy, even though he was muy guapo. When we moved on to high school, he made the football team and his confidence started to grow. R found his voice and started to make friends. Long story short, we became novios. I found out why he was so quiet, he was the youngest in a large family and never got any attention. His mother was a nurse and she worked long hours taking care of elderly patients in a nursing home. R loved his Mom so much, but never saw her. He always felt neglected and unloved. He bounced from girl to girl looking for the female attention he didn't receive at home.We broke up over this. R is married and still putting himself "out" there.

My heart healed and I fell in love a second time. I met S in college, the second week of my freshman year! I was so excited to finally turn 18 years old and be allowed to go to a fraternity party. My friends and I were muy borrachas so we were going house to house looking for more alcohol. I saw S sitting on the floor all by himself at the last house. I thought he looked sad, so I sat down next to him to cheer him up (I'm a magnet for a sad guy). Fast forward we dated for four years, and he's the father of mi hija. His mother spoiled him rotten. Whatever S wanted/wants she provided/provides for him. He had no idea how to do anything for himself then and he still doesn't now.

The third time is the charm right? I put another Hello Kitty bandaid on my battered and bruised heart and fell in love again. I married N. Our history goes back a long time, just like his issues with his mother. I should have known when he told me he would trade his mother in for a watch, that we would have a rough marriage. A man that HATES his mother will struggle in any type of relationship with a woman. She's kicked him out of the house, treated him like a stranger, abused him, and played mind games with N his entire life. I don't blame him for disliking her. She is partly to blame for turning him into the person he is today.



Sunday, January 9, 2011

One Year Ago Today...

I began this blog. I took this screen cap yesterday and couldn't be happier. Thanks for all of your support!

Gracias mil,

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Esposa con un otro...

One of my favorite movies came on this past Sunday morning, “Unfaithful” staring Richard Gere and Diane Lane. I absolutely love this movie. The concept is completely believable. A married woman is consumed in a steamy love affair with a younger, attractive French man. Their sexual scenes are hot and pull you in, almost like a voyeur. The ending is controversial; I won’t spoil it if you haven’t seen it.

While watching the movie, I immediately wanted to blog about female infidelity. What did my male and female friends think about the subject? Would they be willing to talk openly and honestly about this taboo topic? Oh yes. Por favor, read on you may be surprised at what they had to say.

I began a dialogue on women and cheating. I asked several questions about what was considered cheating, why and why not? If alcohol is involved does this change anything? Would you tell your partner/spouse? Then finally any other comments on the topic? *Some names and details have been changed to protect the innocente.

Las mujeres first, claro

R, Blanca, Divorced
-not easy to forgive
-admit and confess cheating because the truth always comes out eventually

C, Latina, Married
-men are less likely to forgive than women
-men tend to walk away when hurt
-tell spouse about cheating only if you want marriage to end
-no need to hurt another person just to ease conscience

F, Latina, Single
-easier to forgive a one night stand than an extended rendezvous

S, Blanca, Married
-prayer and effort from both parties necessary to forgive
-sincere repentance from person who cheated
-time helps, but doesn’t heal all

A, Blanca, Married
-kissing okay (cultural norm)
-flirting okay, but not too much, it becomes over the line
-contacting ex okay (i.e. adding on Facebook), but continuing to talk crosses boundaries
-alcohol involved kiss not cheating, would not tell spouse
-alcohol involved one night stand is cheating, would eventually tell spouse

 P, Blanca, Married
-“As long as you don’t get caught, it’s okay.”
-"Admit nothing!"
-sneaking out and meeting someone for sex is cheating
-kissing intimately is cheating
-intentions are what is important
-alcohol involved kissing is not cheating
-alcohol involved sex is not cheating, would feel guilty, but would never tell husband

M, Latina, Married
-kissing is not cheating
-alcohol involved kissing is not cheating either
-alcohol involved sex is not cheating and would never tell, guilt is yours, own it
-you can’t help who you fall for, situations happen

S, Blanca, Single
-came from a broken home
-would never cheat, saw first hand how it ruins a family and hurts everyone involved
-cut all ties with temptation

Los hombres

S, Blanco, Married
-kissing is cheating, unless to say hello
-basically considers everything cheating except if she is with another woman (thinks that’s sexy)
-no one night stands or ongoing affairs, immediate divorce preceedings
-counseling not an option
-alcohol involved not cheating, lack of judgment, but she must tell him immediately
-trust is the most important part of a relationship, without it he’s gone
-the media is responsible for portraying bad values related to marriage 
-“Before there is a divorce there will be a funeral.”

R, Latino, Married
-physical intimacy only is cheating
-technology has blurred the line
-sexting is cheating as well

N, Filipino, Married
-kissing is cheating
-everything including looking at or talking to another man is cheating
-hooking up with another woman is also cheating
-alcohol related sexual activity kissing, sex is cheating
-hates cheating and people who cheat
-would never give a cheater a second chance

My friend S was the most passionate about cheating. He's also a young newlywed. That makes a big difference. Why you ask? He's still in the new romance phase of his marriage. Things change a bit once you've been married awhile. Ask an "old-timer". S is also a bit arrogant and cocky as most handsome men. I'm sure he thinks his wife would never even glance at another man. She probably wouldn't, but you never know. #justsayin

My other friend P surprised me the most. She was bluntly honest and hilarious with her answers. She's been married longer than I've been alive. P and her husband make a wonderful couple. They're happy and compliment each other. If it's not broke, don't fix it. Right, right??

There you have it. Now it's your turn. What do YOU think about cheating?

Muchos besos,

**Thanks to everyone that took the time to answer my questions so openly and honestly.

Siempre Los Colores...

Marisol was considered una reinita of the gang. Everyone thought she was too nice and too pretty to participate in anything serious. That all changed at el parque one day.

It was a perfect sunny afternoon. Daniel was playing cards with his boys at the tables. Marisol was holding her sobrinita y talking to a group of friends. Her amiga bumped her leg and told her that some blanca was walking towards Daniel. Everyone got quiet and watched for Marisol's reaction.

La blanca started talking to Daniel like she knew him, like they were old friends. Marisol gave her sobrinita back to Ana Maria and slowly walked over to the table, just as la blanca reached over to touch Daniel's shoulder. Daniel looked up into Marisol's dark eyes. La blanca turned around to stand face to face with a girl she had never seen before.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Looking for that spark,