Life After Ashley Madison

You found your husband or boyfriend on Ashley Madison. What happens now...

Please sit down and take a deep breath.

Signing up for AM was free. He might have been curious. If that's it calmly have a talk with him in the next couple of days.

If there are credit card transactions, research how many times his card was used. Divide by two because there are two entries for each transaction. Make sure the credit card information and billing address are correct.

If there are only a few there still might not be a reason to worry. Those are probably communication charges. Maybe a little fantasy talk? Calmly have a talk with him tomorrow.

If there are several transactions with fees over $1000, he has paid for the "guaranteed affair" package. If you have children take them to a relatives home and speak to him at once.

You can survive this. Depending on the situation you may have to have STD/HIV testing. You may want a legal separation or even a divorce. Make sure you have a good lawyer. It will be expensive.

You may decide to forgive him. If you do, do not share details of the ordeal with everyone. This is a private moment. Sometimes others can do more harm than good. Be careful if you decide to share your marital issues with anyone but your spouse or a trusted counselor.

True Story on Fusion

Take care,
Monica

Celebrate!

Proud to be a woman!

Besos,
Monica

If a Man Wants You...

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything.
He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

**A good friend sent this to me a long time ago. I don't know who wrote this, but I am thankful that they did.

Thinking,
Monica

Esposa con un otro...

One of my favorite movies came on this past Sunday morning, “Unfaithful” staring Richard Gere and Diane Lane. I absolutely love this movie. The concept is completely believable. A married woman is consumed in a steamy love affair with a younger, attractive French man. Their sexual scenes are hot and pull you in, almost like a voyeur. The ending is controversial; I won’t spoil it if you haven’t seen it.

While watching the movie, I immediately wanted to blog about female infidelity. What did my male and female friends think about the subject? Would they be willing to talk openly and honestly about this taboo topic? Oh yes. Por favor, read on you may be surprised at what they had to say.

I began a dialogue on women and cheating. I asked several questions about what was considered cheating, why and why not? If alcohol is involved does this change anything? Would you tell your partner/spouse? Then finally any other comments on the topic? *Some names and details have been changed to protect the innocente.

Las mujeres first, claro

R, Blanca, Divorced

-not easy to forgive

-admit and confess cheating because the truth always comes out eventually

C, Latina, Married

-men are less likely to forgive than women

-men tend to walk away when hurt

-tell spouse about cheating only if you want marriage to end

-no need to hurt another person just to ease conscience

F, Latina, Single

-easier to forgive a one night stand than an extended rendezvous

S, Blanca, Married

-prayer and effort from both parties necessary to forgive

-sincere repentance from person who cheated

-time helps, but doesn’t heal all

A, Blanca, Married

-kissing okay (cultural norm)

-flirting okay, but not too much, it becomes over the line

-contacting ex okay (i.e. adding on Facebook), but continuing to talk crosses boundaries

-alcohol involved kiss not cheating, would not tell spouse

-alcohol involved one night stand is cheating, would eventually tell spouse

 P, Blanca, Married

-“As long as you don’t get caught, it’s okay.”

-“Lie”

-"Admit nothing!"

-sneaking out and meeting someone for sex is cheating

-kissing intimately is cheating

-intentions are what is important

-alcohol involved kissing is not cheating

-alcohol involved sex is not cheating, would feel guilty, but would never tell husband

M, Latina, Married

-kissing is not cheating

-alcohol involved kissing is not cheating either

-alcohol involved sex is not cheating and would never tell, guilt is yours, own it

-you can’t help who you fall for, situations happen

S, Blanca, Single

-came from a broken home

-would never cheat, saw first hand how it ruins a family and hurts everyone involved

-cut all ties with temptation

Los hombres

S, Blanco, Married

-kissing is cheating, unless to say hello

-basically considers everything cheating except if she is with another woman (thinks that’s sexy)

-no one night stands or ongoing affairs, immediate divorce preceedings

-counseling not an option

-alcohol involved not cheating, lack of judgment, but she must tell him immediately

-trust is the most important part of a relationship, without it he’s gone

-the media is responsible for portraying bad values related to marriage 

-“Before there is a divorce there will be a funeral.”

R, Latino, Married

-physical intimacy only is cheating

-technology has blurred the line

-sexting is cheating as well

N, Filipino, Married

-kissing is cheating

-everything including looking at or talking to another man is cheating

-hooking up with another woman is also cheating

-alcohol related sexual activity kissing, sex is cheating

-hates cheating and people who cheat

-would never give a cheater a second chance

My friend S was the most passionate about cheating. He's also a young newlywed. That makes a big difference. Why you ask? He's still in the new romance phase of his marriage. Things change a bit once you've been married awhile. Ask an "old-timer". S is also a bit arrogant and cocky as most handsome men. I'm sure he thinks his wife would never even glance at another man. She probably wouldn't, but you never know. #justsayin

My other friend P surprised me the most. She was bluntly honest and hilarious with her answers. She's been married longer than I've been alive. P and her husband make a wonderful couple. They're happy and compliment each other. If it's not broke, don't fix it. Right, right??

There you have it. Now it's your turn. What do YOU think about cheating?

Muchos besos,

Monica

**Thanks to everyone that took the time to answer my questions so openly and honestly.

OUCH!

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits.

No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.  No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together.

Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.  ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.

Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north.

After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!!

Blinded from pain!!!!...

OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!

Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe..................

OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy -

a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.

I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!

I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something.

So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut!  

My butt is sealed shut.

Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself  "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should

melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub -

The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.

It's a very good conversation starter  "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.

I give her the  rundown a nd she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor .

Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic

Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

*Originally sent to me by my friend Monica See. I just had to share it.

**Okay guys, I know you looked.  See what kind of shit we go through to look good for you!!!

xoxo