Thursday, January 6, 2011

Esposa con un otro...

One of my favorite movies came on this past Sunday morning, “Unfaithful” staring Richard Gere and Diane Lane. I absolutely love this movie. The concept is completely believable. A married woman is consumed in a steamy love affair with a younger, attractive French man. Their sexual scenes are hot and pull you in, almost like a voyeur. The ending is controversial; I won’t spoil it if you haven’t seen it.

While watching the movie, I immediately wanted to blog about female infidelity. What did my male and female friends think about the subject? Would they be willing to talk openly and honestly about this taboo topic? Oh yes. Por favor, read on you may be surprised at what they had to say.

I began a dialogue on women and cheating. I asked several questions about what was considered cheating, why and why not? If alcohol is involved does this change anything? Would you tell your partner/spouse? Then finally any other comments on the topic? *Some names and details have been changed to protect the innocente.

Las mujeres first, claro

R, Blanca, Divorced
-not easy to forgive
-admit and confess cheating because the truth always comes out eventually

C, Latina, Married
-men are less likely to forgive than women
-men tend to walk away when hurt
-tell spouse about cheating only if you want marriage to end
-no need to hurt another person just to ease conscience

F, Latina, Single
-easier to forgive a one night stand than an extended rendezvous

S, Blanca, Married
-prayer and effort from both parties necessary to forgive
-sincere repentance from person who cheated
-time helps, but doesn’t heal all

A, Blanca, Married
-kissing okay (cultural norm)
-flirting okay, but not too much, it becomes over the line
-contacting ex okay (i.e. adding on Facebook), but continuing to talk crosses boundaries
-alcohol involved kiss not cheating, would not tell spouse
-alcohol involved one night stand is cheating, would eventually tell spouse

 P, Blanca, Married
-“As long as you don’t get caught, it’s okay.”
-"Admit nothing!"
-sneaking out and meeting someone for sex is cheating
-kissing intimately is cheating
-intentions are what is important
-alcohol involved kissing is not cheating
-alcohol involved sex is not cheating, would feel guilty, but would never tell husband

M, Latina, Married
-kissing is not cheating
-alcohol involved kissing is not cheating either
-alcohol involved sex is not cheating and would never tell, guilt is yours, own it
-you can’t help who you fall for, situations happen

S, Blanca, Single
-came from a broken home
-would never cheat, saw first hand how it ruins a family and hurts everyone involved
-cut all ties with temptation

Los hombres

S, Blanco, Married
-kissing is cheating, unless to say hello
-basically considers everything cheating except if she is with another woman (thinks that’s sexy)
-no one night stands or ongoing affairs, immediate divorce preceedings
-counseling not an option
-alcohol involved not cheating, lack of judgment, but she must tell him immediately
-trust is the most important part of a relationship, without it he’s gone
-the media is responsible for portraying bad values related to marriage 
-“Before there is a divorce there will be a funeral.”

R, Latino, Married
-physical intimacy only is cheating
-technology has blurred the line
-sexting is cheating as well

N, Filipino, Married
-kissing is cheating
-everything including looking at or talking to another man is cheating
-hooking up with another woman is also cheating
-alcohol related sexual activity kissing, sex is cheating
-hates cheating and people who cheat
-would never give a cheater a second chance

My friend S was the most passionate about cheating. He's also a young newlywed. That makes a big difference. Why you ask? He's still in the new romance phase of his marriage. Things change a bit once you've been married awhile. Ask an "old-timer". S is also a bit arrogant and cocky as most handsome men. I'm sure he thinks his wife would never even glance at another man. She probably wouldn't, but you never know. #justsayin

My other friend P surprised me the most. She was bluntly honest and hilarious with her answers. She's been married longer than I've been alive. P and her husband make a wonderful couple. They're happy and compliment each other. If it's not broke, don't fix it. Right, right??

There you have it. Now it's your turn. What do YOU think about cheating?

Muchos besos,

**Thanks to everyone that took the time to answer my questions so openly and honestly.


  1. Speechless? Por que? BBM me if you don't want to comment publically ;).

  2. Nice post. I learned a lot from the answers. Me, cheating is ANY physical contact with the opposite sex. From a simple hug - because it can lead to other things. Also there is no tolerance for making friends with the opposite sex. Sorry, I've seen too many of these go wrong.

  3. Lisa, you bring up an interesting point. No friends of the opposite sex? Some of my best friends are men. They give me a unique opinion on many issues. I treasure their point of view. I totally respect your opinion though bella. :)

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  5. Thanks for answering my questions Reggie. I also think women cheat just as often as men, we just don't get caught.