Friday, December 31, 2010

Thank you!

2010 is coming to an end tonight. As I look back on the events most of it was pretty awful, but there were two wonderful bright spots, mi hija was accepted at her #1 college choice and mi sobrinito was born. Those are two awesome events. It's a shame I let myself overlook those wonderful moments.

I am hopeful about 2011. Maybe a new relationship is in store for me, or perhaps someone from my past will become an important part of my present? Will a failed marriage turn into a beautiful vow renewal? Who knows what my future will be, but I'm looking forward to the wild ride, mi vida loca, or a peaceful journey. Whatever God has planned.

I'd like to thank each and every one of my readers for your comments and support. You all keep me going, thinking, and laughing. Gracias mil por todo.

Happy New Year/Feliz Año Nuevo/Feliz Ano Novo/ Felice Anno Nuovo!

Thursday, December 23, 2010


No more tears, well at least for now. I guess I was just having one of those days. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

I just needed some time off and a lot of rest. Stress is bad for everyone. It made me crack. I was crying and super depressed. Stress also triggered two days of flares. Ugh.

I feel so much better now. I'm enjoying life again. I'm functioning like a productive member of society. I will also do my part to stimulate the economy by doing all of my Christmas shopping tomorrow.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010


It's four days before Christmas. One of my favorite holidays. I haven't done anything to prepare for it:
    -no Christmas cards sent
    -no gifts bought for anyone other than mi sobrinito
    -no food purchased
    -no plans made.

I'm sitting here on my lunch break at work bawling my eyes out watching depressing videos on AOL music. I'm so sad I can't even function. I know I have to get myself together. Christmas will be here. Mi hija is home from college. I know she's wondering what's wrong with me. Why I'm not my usual self. Why I'm not running around like crazy. Why I haven't bought any presents or wrapped any gifts.

Maybe it's because I am sad. This has been an awful year. I have been through so much. I've held it all together for so long. I've put up with so much. I've given to everyone. I've been everyone's support system. I've tried to make everyone happy.

I look back on 2010 and see a bunch of sadness, hurt, and pain. I see a man that promised to love and respect me before God hurt me and leave me over and over again. I've seen my baby girl grow up and move far away. I've had mi madre make comments that sliced my heart open. I've been near death and transported via ambulance to the hospital.

I don't know how much more of this year I can take...


Monday, December 20, 2010

Monday, December 13, 2010

Unconditional Love

Mi amorcito,

Friday, December 3, 2010


Dear Sir,
I have absolutely no respect for you. You have made my life a living hell for the last two and a half years. Your constant financial instability, your disrespect for my house, my religion, my family, and me have been unbearable.

Everyone told me you were worthless. I didn't listen. I thought you had a heart and were worth saving. I thought you could get it together and make something of yourself one day. I thought you could overcome your demons and break through your issues and grow up. I was very, very wrong.

You have shown yourself to be a complete idiot. A lazy son of a bitch who has no desire or follow through. You blame everyone and everything for YOUR failures. Look around, see how many people you have alienated. See how many people want nothing to do with you. You say you have no real friends, have you ever been anyone's real friend? You are a liar, a cheater, and a thief.

Ask yourself how you got in the situation you're in right now. Think about everything you have done. All the people you have hurt, shot, stabbed, robbed, lied to, manipulated, physically, verbally, and emotionally abused. I'm one of them. Now leave me alone. Forever. Remember I am a child of God. He loves and protects His own.