What a Day!

*I ate lunch in my car today. Los maestros en la escuela son muy difíciles. I couldn't deal.
*Christmas shopping is close to being finished. Everything is super expensive this year. I expect this will continue...
*Our President Elect is Donald J. Trump. The financial markets seem to think this is wonderful because the Dow Jones is has been increasing. The average 401K is up $4000.00 according to "Good Morning America" this morning.
*President Elect Trump is appointing interesting people to his Presidential Cabinet. The latest is Linda McMahon from the WWE. Ay dios mío.
*I have so much to do today. I don't feel well, so I am hiding in the book room on my phone. Everything will get done. I just need a timeout.
*I still adore Zakiyah and Paulie. I have never been a part of a Fandom before. It's quite fascinating. I see why mi hija wrote her undergraduate thesis on Fangirls.
*As of the week the Dakota Access Pipeline has been halted. I am happy, but reserved. President Elect Trump may cancel everything. He makes me nervous.
*I am leery of a few of Trump's supporters. I don't want to see civil rights revoked. He is turning a blind eye to certain things. I don't want a repeat of N+zi Germany.
*We must have hope and faith in God. I pray for this country and the world all the time.

Take care,
Monica

Wedding Planning

I talk to many brides-to-be who are stressed out about wedding planning. If you feel like it's becoming a chore or it is tearing your relationship apart, this is a signal to step back. Wedding planning is supposed to be romantic and fun.

Take time to just enjoy your future spouse. There is nothing wrong with postponing your wedding date. Eloping is also an option, but be prepared for the consequences from family and friends.

You may want to scale down your wedding celebration. An intimate ceremony with a small reception can be beautiful. No matter what you decide, your relationship is the most important.

I own a wedding consultant company, Bliss by Monica. If you are planning a wedding and need help, please contact me. Bliss by Monica

Take care,
Monica

*Image via Style Me Pretty*

Life On Disability

Those of you that have been with me for awhile know that I had to go on disability leave from my teaching job. I had no choice. My employer gave me the choice between no job or disability. I chose to go through the disability nightmare.

I refer to going on disability leave as a nightmare because in my opinion it is one. A big scary one. Here is my story.

I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis by my primary care doctor and my Rheumatologist. I was put on Plaquenil for 2 months. It didn't help and made my hair turn brittle and fall out by the handful. Dr. Z then suggested I take Methotrexate. He would start me out slowly and gradually increase the dosage depending on my progress.

I ended up on the maximum dosage of Methotrexate. My body couldn't handle it and I kept getting sick to my stomach, passing out, and unable to keep down what little food I ate. I missed a lot of work and had no more sick days. That's when I got the notice about losing my position.

I went through all the medical exams, meetings, and tons of paperwork. Three months later my disability leave was approved. Everything changed at that moment.

When you are on disability you will be broke. The medical bills will pile up and the insurance plan offered may cover 15-20% of the cost. The reason you are on disability is because you're ill, the financial stress you will be under will make you feel worse.

It's tough to pay bills when you have a job, even more difficult when you don't. House payment, utilities, food, medications, doctor/hospital co-pays, student loan debt, and so much more loom over your head every month.

The disability payment you will receive will not even come close to paying all the bills. Depending on the terms of your leave you may be allowed to work. If you do find a job this will trigger a re-evaluation. Catch-22 situation.

You will be monitored and followed to make sure you are ill. I'm sure it's because people lie and fake it to get out of work. I have no idea why someone would do this because being on disability leave is not fun. It's stressful and should only be taken if you have no other option.

This has been the saddest I have ever been. It's lonely and frustrating. Little to no human contact other than doctor appointments.

If you know someone that is disabled and unable to work please pray for them. Ask them if they would like a card, a
visit, or a phone call. Isolation is not healthy.

I wanted to share with you the reality of life on disability. The cold, hard truth. If you ever find yourself in this situation it will be rough, but you can survive. I'm proof of it.

Take care,
Monica

Changing Directions

If I wait around for me to get better, I will be sitting here for awhile. I haven't been this sick in a long time. There doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

I'm going to press on. Going to fake it until I feel better. I have a few good things in the works so please keep reading and watching my blog and social media accounts.

I have lost 57 pounds since my gallbladder surgery. Being ill has an upside :). I will have to try and save a few dollars because none of my clothes fit. I can't go back to work dressed un-professionally. I have until August to pull together a suitable wardrobe. Ay...

The Food Network has been my saving grace. I love watching the cooking competition shows like "Chopped", "Iron Chef America", and "All Star Academy". Watching these shows help me forget about my stress and anxiety for a couple of hours a day. Feels good! Claro, la comida es muy bueno. Buen provecho.

Fun times are ahead, I promise!!

Besos,
Monica

Chest Pain

Today has been scary. Around noon I felt really sick. I got feverish and my chest started to hurt bad. I tried not to panic, but the pain moved to my shoulder.

I had no idea what was going on. I decided to just stay still and in bed. Two hours later the pain got worse and I just couldn't stop crying. My phone rang. It was mi hermano. He wanted to invite me to Sunday dinner. I tried to stay calm, but he's a trained social worker and immediately knew something was wrong.

He made me promise to call for help if I didn't feel better. I promised him I would. I turned on my side and tried to remain calm.

About an hour later I received a text from mi madre. She said that she gets chest pains too and that drinking something carbonated always helps. I didn't have anything fizzy to drink in the house so fortunately my Dad happened to be in the neighborhood and he brought over two large cans of Sprite.

I took two sips and I immediately felt better. I have no idea why the simple cure worked. I hadn't eaten much in the last two days so no heartburn, but I have been under so much stress and anxiety I think my body just cried out.

Today was a wake up call. I cannot let worry and anxiety rule my life. I have to figure out how to cut expenses and make a supplemental income. If you have any creative ideas I would love to hear them.

Thank you all for always being so understanding and supportive. The Internet can be a scary place, but you all make it better.

Abrazos,
Monica

Panic

*Christmas is in a few weeks and I'm not even close to being ready. I finally came up with the dinner menu today thanks to All Recipes.

*I am making an early resolution, I will be spending a lot less time on social media. I'm not deleting any accounts at this time. There are many people I would like to stay in contact with, I just hate all the racist idiots taking over. It's tough to keep up with world events without coming across complete nonsense.

*Soaps used to be such a fun and relaxing way to spend a few moments at the end of the day. Not anymore. The writers have such low opinions of the viewers it's insulting to watch. I think I'm going to back to telenovelas.

*I'm watching companies and entertainers closely. Who ever is remaining quiet during this time of unrest will not get any support from me. #blacklivesmatter

*Right now I'm not Interested in dating. I have to get healthy. My number one priority is surviving. Plus I feel like I look a mess. I'm super pale and blotchy. My Lupus-like rash is back with a vengeance. I don't even feel sexy.

*Mi amiga is looking at dresses from one of my favorite designers!! She is going to be a beautiful bride.

*I hope all of you are getting ready for the holidays and are healthy and happy. Please sprinkle a little extra joy my way.

xxoo,
Monica

Heaven is Calling

So very tired,
Monica

Nothing Left

I give up. I have no more fight in me right now.

Many people have so much and are so ungrateful. I read an article about how many designer purses North West (Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's daughter) has and she can't even walk yet. I understand that the Kardashians have millions and it's their money, but thousands of dollars of purses for an infant seems wasteful.

I just want to feel better. I want to work again. I've had a job since I was 14 years old...

This is a crazy and unstable world. Stay safe, trust few, and always watch your back.

Take care,
Monica

El Dinero

My financial stress is physically destroying me. It all began with my emergency gallbladder surgery. The bills are arriving daily.

Since my forced retirement things have been rough. I have to eat fat free organically or I cannot digest food. Organic food is expensive. I've lost 41 pounds since May. Being poor is a "great" diet :'(.

My mortgage company just sent me a notification yesterday that my escrow is severely lacking. I cannot afford to live here. The property values in my neighborhood have gone down significantly. I am stuck. Working as hard as my body will let me to get my house in good condition to sell.

I have a leased car that I cannot get rid of until next year. Long story. Terrible situation. Love my vehicle, despise the leasing company.

I am NOT asking for help. I would appreciate prayers, positive energy or healing vibes. I need the physical ability to work. If I am not online, I am trying to figure out how to make money and keep a roof over my head.

I'm so sick and stressed right now. My RA is making it almost impossible to walk normally. Living on a fixed income is a nightmare. I have never taken anything for granted, ever. I don't waste money. I have always given to charity, church, and others.  I feel like I am drowning.

I have not been myself lately and now you know why. My faith is strong, but I can only take so much.

Praying for a miracle,
Monica

Day in the Life of a Teacher

6:00 am up early to prepare for the day

7:15 am arrive at work early to have access to copy room/grade papers in peace/clean room

8:00 am school bell rings

8:05 am parent emails start coming in (No I haven’t graded all the quizzes yet. I have 517 students.)

8:10 am planning period –40 minutes

-grade papers/answer emails/update lesson plans/conference with parents

-meet with administrators/read through IEPs and 504 Plans

8:50 am math class (co-teach with intervention specialist)

-each student in the class has a learning or behavior issue or both

9:50 am try to use restroom. Attempt #1. All full. Race back to classroom.

9:53 am class

10:38 am brunch aka lunch time

-meet with students who are struggling in class

-return parent phone calls

-shove food down throat

-restroom. Attempt #2. Line too long.

11:05 am class

11:50 am restroom. Attempt #3. SUCCESS!!

11:53 am class

12:36 pm class

-inclusion/3  adult aides in room

-every hand is usually up/not possible to meet the needs of all 28 students consistently

-frustrated :(

1:21 pm class

2:06 pm intervention/enrichment duty

3:00 pm bell rings

3:05 pm grade more papers/read through professional development powerpoint from state

-make good news or bad news calls home

-staff meeting

4:00 pm run to grocery store

4:30 pm cook small quick dinner/grade papers/read through personal emails

5:00 pm walk or play with dog/return personal calls/check social media

6:00 pm begin work for Bliss

-check Pinterest inspiration boards

-update website

-call clients

-participate in Twitter party to stay current in the field

7:00 pm watch a little tv and fall asleep

*This is what a day in my life looks like. I hope you all see why I’m grumpy sometimes ;).

I get upset when people say that teachers don't do anything all day. I bet most of you can go to the restroom whenever you want. Right? I bet you also have more than 27 minutes for lunch too.

Teaching is a year round position. Most of us take classes all summer, teach or tutor students, or work full time at another job. We're not lying on a beach reading trashy novels for three months straight.

I became a teacher because of the students. Even though we are disrespected and looked down on, I wouldn't want to be anything else. Nothing makes me smile more than when a student runs up to me and says I can't wait to come to your class later. That little face makes my day.

Exhausted,
Monica

I Love Angry Birds!

 

I've been stressed lately, so the 'Angry Birds' game on my computer is making me happy. I've never been much of a computer game person so everyone that knows me is amazed that I am playing this game so much and that I'm really I'm good at it.  A little bit of joy in an unlikely place.

Smiling,

Monica

I Just Want to Scream!

This past couple of weeks have been a nightmare:
-Mi abuelita passed away.  I was in the room alone with her holding her hands when she took her last breath.
-The next week one of my good friends was killed in a motorcycle accident. He was only 27 years and the father of a one year old baby boy.
-We have a new administrator at work. She was moved to our building because of issues. No bueno. A lot of unhappy people.

Two funerals in two weeks. More crying than I have done in over a year. Everyone tells me that I am so strong. Now that's a perfect lie. I don't feel strong right now. I feel weak. I feel like running far away and never coming back.

The new boss has still not given me my assignment. School begins in a week and I have no clue what or where I'm teaching. It makes me feel unprofessional. Mi madre asked me what I'm doing to cope with all these things. I was dishonest when I replied. I'm not coping.

I've had my phone off for days. I can't communicate with anyone unless it's work related. I feel so stressed. even feel it in my heart. It's a strange feeling. My heart muscle actually hurts.

There is a teeny bit of good news. I have discovered the perfect pair of jeans for my body. Now I just need the money to purchase them :).

Wishing for a vacation,
Monica

Burnout to Bliss!

*I'm taking a grad class on teacher burnout. One of my assignments is to write a paper based on the book
Finding a Path with a Heart: Burnout to Bliss by Dr. Beverly Potter.*

Right now I am in a unique situation. At least I think it’s a unique situation. The year 2011 was an awful year for me. In January, my husband decided he didn’t love me anymore and moved to Seattle, Washington. In March I was rushed to the hospital via ambulance with two pulmonary embolisms in my lung. The doctor’s told me that if I hadn’t gone to the ER and just stayed at home like I wanted to, I would have died. I spent a week in the hospital undergoing several tests. I now have a blood disorder called Factor V Leiden.

Things did not get any better. The judge granted my husband and me a divorce in May. I never thought I would be divorced. It broke my heart. I felt like a failure. That summer I went completely crazy and did things I never imagined I would do. I didn’t sleep or eat. I just partied to forget about all my issues.

School began in August. I felt like a loser. I also got sick, really sick. I tried to ignore what was going on inside of my body. I was no longer myself anymore. I was so sick for the next couple of months. I did the bare minimum at work. My students knew something was wrong with their teacher.

In October, a man tried to break into my house at 9:00 am on a Saturday morning. My dog woke me up because she was running around the house barking. I walked into my kitchen to find a strange man destroying my porch door and trying to get in my house. I called 911 and the police responded in record time. The man was arrested immediately. I still get scared every time I look at my porch door.

I finally shared my symptoms with my doctor in November. She sent me to another doctor who examined me and determined something was wrong, really wrong. That doctor sent me to an Oncologist. I had cancer and had to have an emergency surgery to remove it.

My essential goal is to be less stressed. After all that I have been through and continue to go through, this is a tough goal. According to the author, the purpose of a goal is to motivate, to get yourself moving. I’m going to get moving. I’m going to try and focus on the positive things in my life.

I know I cannot do anything about the things over which I have no control. I have to make the best out of any situation I come across. No journey is without problems, detours, and other obstacles. I have to turn obstacles into opportunities.

Dr. Potter states that “It is when we grab opportunities and rise to challenges that we are most likely to experience bliss”. I’m taking this statement literally and turning my stressful life into bliss so much so that I even named my new wedding consultant company ‘Bliss by Monica’.

Bliss by Monica

Thinking positively,
Monica

Today...

Stress!

I am under so much stress right now. I don't know how I'm even keeping myself together. Everything than could go wrong has gone wrong. I don't want to answer my phone, open the mail, or leave my room at work.

I'm even hiding from social media. I want nothing to do with Twitter, Facebook, or even Myspace right now. Yes, I'm still holding on to my Myspace for sentimental reasons. #dontjudgeme

In that past when my stress level has gotten out of control my health goes down hill fast. I'm trying to stop that from happening. All I can say is that if you don't see or hear from me for awhile, I'm trying to pull myself together. It's not you, it's me.

Mucho amor,
Monica

Update...

No more tears, well at least for now. I guess I was just having one of those days. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

I just needed some time off and a lot of rest. Stress is bad for everyone. It made me crack. I was crying and super depressed. Stress also triggered two days of flares. Ugh.

I feel so much better now. I'm enjoying life again. I'm functioning like a productive member of society. I will also do my part to stimulate the economy by doing all of my Christmas shopping tomorrow.

Besos,
Monica

Tears...

It's four days before Christmas. One of my favorite holidays. I haven't done anything to prepare for it:
    -no Christmas cards sent
    -no gifts bought for anyone other than mi sobrinito
    -no food purchased
    -no plans made.

I'm sitting here on my lunch break at work bawling my eyes out watching depressing videos on AOL music. I'm so sad I can't even function. I know I have to get myself together. Christmas will be here. Mi hija is home from college. I know she's wondering what's wrong with me. Why I'm not my usual self. Why I'm not running around like crazy. Why I haven't bought any presents or wrapped any gifts.

Maybe it's because I am sad. This has been an awful year. I have been through so much. I've held it all together for so long. I've put up with so much. I've given to everyone. I've been everyone's support system. I've tried to make everyone happy.

I look back on 2010 and see a bunch of sadness, hurt, and pain. I see a man that promised to love and respect me before God hurt me and leave me over and over again. I've seen my baby girl grow up and move far away. I've had mi madre make comments that sliced my heart open. I've been near death and transported via ambulance to the hospital.

I don't know how much more of this year I can take...

Triste,
Monica

Hmmm

As a followup to my last blog, mi esposo decided he loved me again. What that really means is that he realized that he would lose everything (truck, insurance, money, house, etc) if he left me. Right now I'm going to play his game. My daughter needs stability at this time in her life. She's a senior in high school and looking forward to going to college in the fall. Nothing is going to happen to shake up this house until she moves out in the fall.

When she leaves all bets are off. I'm working very hard to make this house "sale-worthy". I'm praying this economy gets better, so I will make some sort of profit when/if it sells. I'm moving to Arizona and starting over. Fresh. Healthy. Happy.

Speaking of healthy, I haven't been. I ended up in the ER right after I finished the last blog post. I had the worst headache I have ever had in my entire life. I honestly thought I was having a stroke. Thoughts of fellow blogger Anissa Mayhew came to mind. (#prayersforanissa) *see Twitter search for details*

The ER was a nightmare. I had the worst nurse and doctor I have ever had in my long medical history. My CT scan was negative so the harried doctor wanted to perform a spinal tap on me. Umm, no. He's running around dealing with a bunch of issues all around me. No way would I let him stick a needle in my spine on a good day, especially not that particular day. I left and signed a paper stating that I was "non-compliant". Yep, I'm also walking.

I followed up with my doctor's office the next day. My personal doctor was not available, so I agreed to be seen by the new physician on staff. Big mistake. He told me to rest and take an Aleve. Those of you who have ever had a severe headache or migraine knows that is complete BS. I'm now waiting to be seen by a specialist at the Cleveland Clinic. I do have pain killers and a muscle relaxer, so that will have to do the trick until I get actual professional help.

Besos

Mi esposo

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We've been together for 6 years. When we were married he was homeless and had no job. There is an age difference of 11 years between us, I am 11 years older than him.

He has lost his job for the third year in a row. Every time he gets a new job everything is wonderful. We have money and all is well. As soon as he loses his job, he turns on me. He gets depressed and takes out his anger on me.

I've been through this three times now. He was laid off from his last job two weeks before Christmas this year. Awful timing as usual. He was sad that he couldn't buy any presents. Honestly I could care less about presents. That's not what Christmas is about for me. It's about Jesus' birth, Mass, and spending time with friends and family.

I understand his frustration. He has some college classes (I strongly encouraged him to go, but he dropped out before getting his Associates Degree). I helped him with every class. I am an enabler. I admit it. I just wanted him to do well and to accomplish something. He wants a career, but doesn't want to put in the effort. He wants to join the military, but he has no discipline. He's extremely overweight, but continues to eat and work out whenever.

Everything we have is in my name. The house, the trucks, the bills, his 4-wheeler. All mine. I pay all the bills. I have for the last three years. He pays most of his car payment, all of his 4-wheeler payment, and some of the auto insurance for his truck. The rest is up to me. Yes, I have a good job. I have two degrees. I make good money. I am blessed. I thank God every day for blessing me.

He has barely spoken to me since he lost his job this time. He has decided that I am the problem in our relationship and he is unhappy. He wants nothing to do with me anymore. He doesn't feel the same about me anymore. According to him all I do is nag. I don't hang out with his friends or him.

I'll back up for a minute. All of his friends are single. All of his friends except for two are criminals, with criminal records. All of his friends do drugs. I don't like any of them. These are not the kind of people I want to hang out with at any time.

I work all day, come home cook, do chores, watch a little tv, workout, talk to mi hija, then go to bed. I have a stressful job. I work long hours, I don't have time to hang out. I don't even have the time to enjoy my own friends. During an argument yesterday I asked him, "When was the last time I went out with my friends?". He had no reply. It's been that long. I don't even remember the last time I was social.

He says I spent too much time social networking. I tweet a lot. I admit. I love it! I enjoy the connections I have made and I cherish the time I spend online.

He goes out every day and every night. His best friends own a drive thru. He basically lives there. When he is home, he's playing video games or playing with his iPhone. Oh, he does pay that bill of course.

We used to have a wonderful relationship in the beginning. We went out all the time, comedy clubs, Dave and Busters, shopping, movies, and nice dinners. That all stopped.

Part of the reason it stopped was because I got sick, really sick. I had to take a year off of work to deal with my illness (another post). I had to learn to walk again. My life changed and he resents me for it.

My husband doesn't want to be with me anymore. He wants a divorce. He's unhappy, I'm unhappy. He doesn't want to try anymore. I've given up and I'm going to let him go.