Sunday, August 12, 2012

I Just Want to Scream!

This past couple of weeks have been a nightmare:
-Mi abuelita passed away.  I was in the room alone with her holding her hands when she took her last breath.
-The next week one of my good friends was killed in a motorcycle accident. He was only 27 years and the father of a one year old baby boy.
-We have a new administrator at work. She was moved to our building because of issues. No bueno. A lot of unhappy people.

Two funerals in two weeks. More crying than I have done in over a year. Everyone tells me that I am so strong. Now that's a perfect lie. I don't feel strong right now. I feel weak. I feel like running far away and never coming back.

The new boss has still not given me my assignment. School begins in a week and I have no clue what or where I'm teaching. It makes me feel unprofessional. Mi madre asked me what I'm doing to cope with all these things. I was dishonest when I replied. I'm not coping.

I've had my phone off for days. I can't communicate with anyone unless it's work related. I feel so stressed. even feel it in my heart. It's a strange feeling. My heart muscle actually hurts.

There is a teeny bit of good news. I have discovered the perfect pair of jeans for my body. Now I just need the money to purchase them :).

Wishing for a vacation,


  1. I am so deeply sorry for your loss, M. Death is never an easy thing to deal with.

    Perhaps you may need a break in order to process everything mama.

    I am praying for you.


  2. Gracias bella. I need a vacation. I'm totally overwhelmed and I don't know how to deal with so much loss and stress. I need all the prayers and hugs you can spare M. <3

  3. I'm deeply sorry to hear about your recent losses. It does seem that when it rains, it pours.

    Don't feel like The Lone Ranger where work frustrations are concerned, my job drives me nuts.

    Things will get better, in that you can be sure.

  4. Thank you Reggie. I'm hoping things get better. I appreciate the kind words.

  5. Can you take a vacation, or something like "stress leave" when school starts? Ughh.. You work so damn hard. You deserve it, PLUS some.

  6. Summer is supposed to be our stress leave. I honestly don't know what to do. Every time the phone rings I get tense. Thanks for listening M. You are awesome.

  7. Strength happens in contrast to weakness. So, you can only be strong when you are weak. I think you're much closer to coping than you think. Ever read Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb? It is an intentionally Christian book (dunno if that's your thing) but it is definitely worth reading. Check it out and let's chat!

  8. Thank you so much. I needed a lift this Monday morning. I'll pick up the book you recommended on Amazon :).