Life After Ashley Madison

You found your husband or boyfriend on Ashley Madison. What happens now...

Please sit down and take a deep breath.

Signing up for AM was free. He might have been curious. If that's it calmly have a talk with him in the next couple of days.

If there are credit card transactions, research how many times his card was used. Divide by two because there are two entries for each transaction. Make sure the credit card information and billing address are correct.

If there are only a few there still might not be a reason to worry. Those are probably communication charges. Maybe a little fantasy talk? Calmly have a talk with him tomorrow.

If there are several transactions with fees over $1000, he has paid for the "guaranteed affair" package. If you have children take them to a relatives home and speak to him at once.

You can survive this. Depending on the situation you may have to have STD/HIV testing. You may want a legal separation or even a divorce. Make sure you have a good lawyer. It will be expensive.

You may decide to forgive him. If you do, do not share details of the ordeal with everyone. This is a private moment. Sometimes others can do more harm than good. Be careful if you decide to share your marital issues with anyone but your spouse or a trusted counselor.

True Story on Fusion

Take care,
Monica

Four!

Right now I have four significant men in my life.

*C - Smart, nerdy, muy guapo, and brown. Everything about him is confusing. Plus he lives far, far away.
*T - Sexy, all muscles, really good job, but young. He's unreliable and if he's not at work he's at the gym.
*R - Guapo, wonderful Dad to his two children, so kind, attentive, and sensitive. He's a player. That smile of his attracts hundreds.
*M - Dangerous, multiple prior felonies, tall with perfect lips. He can fix anything. Complicated doesn't even touch this situation.

I wish I could take parts of each one and build the perfect man. Impossible. Right now I'll just enjoy the attention...

Update 7-14-2014
All four men are out of my life. New start. I did enjoy the attention, but I need to start making better decisions.

xxoo,
Monica

Never Settle!

He is abusive.
He cheats on me.
He smokes weed all day.
He is an alcoholic.
He steals my money.
He stays out all night.
He can't keep a steady job.
He lies to me constantly.

But I got a man...

It's a shame what some women will live with and accept just to say they have a man.

~excerpt from "You Better Preach"

Never going back again,
Monica

New Standards

I've been thinking a lot about my former relationships lately and I've got to make some changes. Here are my five new qualifications for a potential boyfriend:

-Employed. No ifs, ands, or buts anymore. Full time year round employment.

-Less than five recent felonies. (babysteps)

-His best friend may not be his ex-wife/girlfriend. This is a hardline.

-No drugs of any kind. Weed is a drug.

-He must not be related to,  nor former or current friend of, my ex husband.

You may say to yourself, "These qualifications shouldn't even need to be considered'. If you thought something like this, welcome to my blog new reader. I have terrible taste in men. My relationships have all been horrible failures. I'm starting fresh in 2013. Please call me out if I slip back into my old ways.

Besos,
Monica

If a Man Wants You...

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything.
He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

**A good friend sent this to me a long time ago. I don't know who wrote this, but I am thankful that they did.

Thinking,
Monica

Laughing Out Loud!

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.   (I would do it for you. Bookmarks as well.)
                  
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.  
                  
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.  
                  
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.  
                  
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?  
                  
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?   (NO!!)
                  
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
                                     
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
                  
9. Bad decisions make good stories.  (The reason for my blog!)
                  
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.    (2:05 pm) 
                  
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.  
                  
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.  
                  
 13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.   (We ALL do this, don't judge me.)
                  
 14. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.  
                  
 15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay Jewelers. (Who's watching me? *nervous*)
                  
 16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.  
                  
 17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.  
                  
 18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?  (Three. Three times is okay.)
                  
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!  
                  
20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 
                  
21. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.  
                  
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.  
                  
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.   (I love men, pobrecitos.)


**Sent to me via email. Author unknown.


Enjoy,
Monica

The perfect man...

If I could create the perfect man here's how he would be:
-honest (I almost always find out if you lie)
-spiritual (know that there is Someone all knowing and powerful in our lives)
-loyal (to me, to himself, his job, and others)
-tough (can kick ass if necessary)
-employed (we're in a recession gente)
-good sense of humor (if you make me laugh, you've almost won me over)
-faithful (sharing is NOT caring)
-sensitive (hug me when I cry, enjoy cooing at babies in the store)
-affectionate (I LOVE to kiss, besame mucho)
-good hygiene (a soapy washcloth, hot water and deodorant should be your best friends)
-respectful (you must have respect in order to truly love another)

I'm not asking for much, just the basics.

Amor,
Monica