Good News/Bad News

Ah the joys of home ownership...

I have a mold problem in my basement. I'm super allergic to it, so I'm doing everything I can to remove it so I won't end up in the hospital with an asthma attack.

All this started because I haven't been able to turn on the air conditioning unit. Now I have a bad situation brewing. Going to try and take care of this myself. I have gloves, eye protection, and N95 masks.

If I can't get the mold cleaned up properly, this is the end. I can't take any more stress. My shoulders are already loaded up. No más por favor.

Thinking about doing a giveaway for my fabulous readers during the next couple of weeks. It will be wedding related and I'll talk about it more on my Twitter ~ @mlvlatina and my Tumblr ~ Bliss by Monica.

Abrazos,
Monica

Not Giving Up

"Don't give up. Great things take time." I read this randomly on Pinterest this morning. I'm taking this as a sign that everything is going to be alright.

I'm still job hunting. It's tough because no one wants to hire someone just for the summer, especially since I'm not a teenager lol. I refuse to give up. I think I have an application on file almost every where in my area.

Due to financial issues I have lost almost 70 pounds. This is good and bad. Being hungry all the time is a challenge, but when I go back to school in August I'll be able to go to the grocery store regularly. I am literally counting the days.

If I can make it through the next 3 months I'll be okay. I still post on social media. I still read posts and I'm grateful for all of you. Thank you for not giving up on me.

xxoo,
Monica

Choices

I haven't been sleeping well. The pressure points hurt because of my mattress. I've done the research and it seems that a fiberbed mattress topper may help ease the pain. I found one online at Sears late last night. It's a reasonable price but now I won't have enough for food. It's okay because this lack of sleep is my biggest concern right now.

I want to write happy and upbeat posts. One day soon I hope things will be better. Stress is making me spend most of the day crying. I don't even remember what it feels like to be happy and healthy. Sometimes I just want to give up and go away forever, but that's not the answer.

I know I have to stay strong, but when your life is crumbling around you, the medical bills looming, it's almost impossible not to want to put an end to everything. God says He will not give you more than you can bear. I'm at that point right now. I'm cold, hungry, stressed out, and scared.

I'll be okay... Just going to take life a minute at a time. Take care and thank you for stopping by my blog!

Despondent,
Monica

One Day at a Time

I have no idea what has grabbed ahold of me, but I wish it would let go.

I have been to several doctors from two different hospitals, all agree something is wrong, but no diagnosis.

I think my issues are from the removal of my gallbladder. I've done a lot of research and my symptoms mirror bile reflux. Not much can be done other than more medications which I cannot afford or another surgery.

I'm not having surgery or taking expensive medicines. I'm trying natural cures. I've been doubling my fiber intake, eating apples, and soda crackers everyday. My symptoms are becoming more managable. The soda crackers are not gluten free, but I'll deal with the damage from eating them later.

Getting healthy is my number one priority. I also have to reduce stress. I haven't been commenting on world events because many things going on upset me. Of course I care about others, but right now I have to sort of live in a "bubble". I've been reading books, learning gentle yoga stretches, watching free movies, and keeping to myself. When I am in a better place I'll join the world again.

I'm trying to make my body stronger so I can return to work. This time on medical leave hasn't been a walk in the park. I've always been very frugal and thanks to a subgroup on Reddit sent to me by my daughter, I'm making the small amount of money I have stretch farther. I haven't been eating well. I've lost so much weight and I'm so weak. The food suggestions on Reddit gave me the best days and times to shop. Today I had a full meal. I almost cried while eating.

Not eating makes getting healthy so difficult. You also can't take vitamins or supplements on an empty stomach. Estoy triste. I some how have to keep myself alive until I can return to work in the fall. I'm taking one day at a time though, but it helps to have a goal to work towards.

ComicCon is coming to my area. I'm super excited. I volunteered to work the conference for a couple of days. I think this will be good for me. I wish it was a paid opportunity, but just the chance to continually improve my event planning skills is invaluable.

I hope you are all doing well. I'm trying to post on social media more. If I'm not around, I'm not doing so well.

Please feel free to comment on my blog posts, message me on Twitter or Google+.

Abrazos,
Monica

Thoughts

*"Orange is the New Black" is a cautionary tale. I enjoyed season one and parts of season two.

*Hot and humid weather makes my RA so much worse.

*My stress level is at 98%.

*Coda is getting older by the minute. I can't even think about her going to doggy Heaven one day.

*Looking at pretty wedding stuff immediately puts me in a better mood.

*The elderly neighbor across the street from me has a friend staying over doing chores and yardwork. This friend makes me very uncomfortable. The way he parks his truck directly in front of my bedroom window and stares at me while sitting in his truck smoking cigarettes is un-nerving.

*Do not do business with any company that has the word 'financial' in their name.

*I'm finally taking down the ugly wallpaper in my kitchen. I have hated it since I bought my house. It's going to take me all summer at the pace I am able to work, but I will get it removed.

Take care,
Monica

Miserable

Perfect word to describe me. I'm taking meds that are supposed to help my RA but the side effects are horrific. This school year is off to an awful start. My schedule is a nightmare. I teach five classes in a row with no break. I thought I had it bad last year. Oh no, five hours without any access to a restroom is torture. I don't even drink water because I am scared of having to go to the bathroom. By the time 3:05 pm comes around I have severe stomach pains and my throat is dry. I know I am dehydrated.

Our teacher's union is useless and weak so I'm just going to have to suck it up and deal with this for the next 184 days. I never smile anymore. I don't speak to anyone at work unless I have to when I have hall duty in the morning. I've sent away for my disability retirement packet on Monday. I feel awful leaving my students, but for once I have to do what is right for me.

My plan is to relocate to Alaska. I want a nice small house that is big enough for my dog Coda and me. I also want a guest cabin if anyone wants to come out to visit. I have to have indoor plumbing, a fridge, running water, a fenced in backyard area, and city utilities. I'd love to live in Trapper Creek. Next fall I want to take a trip to Alaska to see how things really are up there. If I see it's not possible to relocate there, I'll move to someplace else cold and snowy.

I'm totally okay being alone. I don't have to disappoint anyone and no one can hurt me.

Counting the days until I am free,
Monica