Choices

I haven't been sleeping well. The pressure points hurt because of my mattress. I've done the research and it seems that a fiberbed mattress topper may help ease the pain. I found one online at Sears late last night. It's a reasonable price but now I won't have enough for food. It's okay because this lack of sleep is my biggest concern right now.

I want to write happy and upbeat posts. One day soon I hope things will be better. Stress is making me spend most of the day crying. I don't even remember what it feels like to be happy and healthy. Sometimes I just want to give up and go away forever, but that's not the answer.

I know I have to stay strong, but when your life is crumbling around you, the medical bills looming, it's almost impossible not to want to put an end to everything. God says He will not give you more than you can bear. I'm at that point right now. I'm cold, hungry, stressed out, and scared.

I'll be okay... Just going to take life a minute at a time. Take care and thank you for stopping by my blog!

Despondent,
Monica

One Day at a Time

I have no idea what has grabbed ahold of me, but I wish it would let go.

I have been to several doctors from two different hospitals, all agree something is wrong, but no diagnosis.

I think my issues are from the removal of my gallbladder. I've done a lot of research and my symptoms mirror bile reflux. Not much can be done other than more medications which I cannot afford or another surgery.

I'm not having surgery or taking expensive medicines. I'm trying natural cures. I've been doubling my fiber intake, eating apples, and soda crackers everyday. My symptoms are becoming more managable. The soda crackers are not gluten free, but I'll deal with the damage from eating them later.

Getting healthy is my number one priority. I also have to reduce stress. I haven't been commenting on world events because many things going on upset me. Of course I care about others, but right now I have to sort of live in a "bubble". I've been reading books, learning gentle yoga stretches, watching free movies, and keeping to myself. When I am in a better place I'll join the world again.

I'm trying to make my body stronger so I can return to work. This time on medical leave hasn't been a walk in the park. I've always been very frugal and thanks to a subgroup on Reddit sent to me by my daughter, I'm making the small amount of money I have stretch farther. I haven't been eating well. I've lost so much weight and I'm so weak. The food suggestions on Reddit gave me the best days and times to shop. Today I had a full meal. I almost cried while eating.

Not eating makes getting healthy so difficult. You also can't take vitamins or supplements on an empty stomach. Estoy triste. I some how have to keep myself alive until I can return to work in the fall. I'm taking one day at a time though, but it helps to have a goal to work towards.

ComicCon is coming to my area. I'm super excited. I volunteered to work the conference for a couple of days. I think this will be good for me. I wish it was a paid opportunity, but just the chance to continually improve my event planning skills is invaluable.

I hope you are all doing well. I'm trying to post on social media more. If I'm not around, I'm not doing so well.

Please feel free to comment on my blog posts, message me on Twitter or Google+.

Abrazos,
Monica

Chest Pain

Today has been scary. Around noon I felt really sick. I got feverish and my chest started to hurt bad. I tried not to panic, but the pain moved to my shoulder.

I had no idea what was going on. I decided to just stay still and in bed. Two hours later the pain got worse and I just couldn't stop crying. My phone rang. It was mi hermano. He wanted to invite me to Sunday dinner. I tried to stay calm, but he's a trained social worker and immediately knew something was wrong.

He made me promise to call for help if I didn't feel better. I promised him I would. I turned on my side and tried to remain calm.

About an hour later I received a text from mi madre. She said that she gets chest pains too and that drinking something carbonated always helps. I didn't have anything fizzy to drink in the house so fortunately my Dad happened to be in the neighborhood and he brought over two large cans of Sprite.

I took two sips and I immediately felt better. I have no idea why the simple cure worked. I hadn't eaten much in the last two days so no heartburn, but I have been under so much stress and anxiety I think my body just cried out.

Today was a wake up call. I cannot let worry and anxiety rule my life. I have to figure out how to cut expenses and make a supplemental income. If you have any creative ideas I would love to hear them.

Thank you all for always being so understanding and supportive. The Internet can be a scary place, but you all make it better.

Abrazos,
Monica

Feliz Año Nuevo - Happy New Year

This has been a year full of ups and downs, but I made it.

I plan to do everything I can to make 2015 a healthy and happy year. My goal for next year is to have no surgeries and less doctor visits. I want to reduce my stress levels and be strong enough to go back to teaching.

Thank you all for staying during the good times and the sad moments. Your comments, private messages, and support on social means the world to me.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers and I will do the same for you.

Peace, love, and light!

Besos,
Monica

Merry Christmas 2014

Abrazos,
Monica

Panic

*Christmas is in a few weeks and I'm not even close to being ready. I finally came up with the dinner menu today thanks to All Recipes.

*I am making an early resolution, I will be spending a lot less time on social media. I'm not deleting any accounts at this time. There are many people I would like to stay in contact with, I just hate all the racist idiots taking over. It's tough to keep up with world events without coming across complete nonsense.

*Soaps used to be such a fun and relaxing way to spend a few moments at the end of the day. Not anymore. The writers have such low opinions of the viewers it's insulting to watch. I think I'm going to back to telenovelas.

*I'm watching companies and entertainers closely. Who ever is remaining quiet during this time of unrest will not get any support from me. #blacklivesmatter

*Right now I'm not Interested in dating. I have to get healthy. My number one priority is surviving. Plus I feel like I look a mess. I'm super pale and blotchy. My Lupus-like rash is back with a vengeance. I don't even feel sexy.

*Mi amiga is looking at dresses from one of my favorite designers!! She is going to be a beautiful bride.

*I hope all of you are getting ready for the holidays and are healthy and happy. Please sprinkle a little extra joy my way.

xxoo,
Monica

Going to the Chapel...

One of my best friends is getting married next year!! She just announced her engagement and I am so excited. I feel like I'm getting married. I'm incredibly happy for her and I'm honored to be helping her out during this wonderful time of her life.

This is going to be a beautiful wedding. I'll keep you posted.

Joyful,
Monica

Frozen

-Every state in the United States has temperatures at or below 32 degrees Fahrenheit today. I love cold weather so this makes me happy.

-Make sure you take care of your kidneys. When something goes wrong with them the pain is terrible. Awful. Go to the doctor as soon as you experience symptoms.

-I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week. Where has 2014 gone?!?

-I hope there will be peaceful protests around the world after the grand jury announces its decision in Ferguson, MO.

-Physical therapy is helping, it's painful but helping.

-The fat free pumpkin muffin/bread recipe was good, but not holiday worthy.

-I miss mi hija. So happy I get to see her soon!

Abrazos,
Monica

So sick.

I ate a fast food hamburger for lunch yesterday. It was my first since my gallbladder was removed in May. I wish I had a time machine to go back. I would have stopped myself.

Fat has to stay out of my life.

I really hoped I would have been part of the 75% that have no issues with food after having the surgery. Not so.

I want to feel better. I want to be me again. I am determined to have a healthy and happy Holiday season!

So tired,
Monica

Daylight Savings Time

I love the time of the year when we turn our clocks back. The sun is so pretty in the morning and it gets dark around the time I'm getting ready for bed. The world is on my time schedule. It feels fantastic!

I'm seeing a new rheumatologist at the beginning of 2015. She's supposed to be the best. There is actually a waiting list to become a new patient. I have to keep a symptom diary to share at my first appointment. Writing down every thing that is wrong with me is more difficult than I imagined. It is helpful because I am starting to see a pattern. I will be making serious changes soon.

Thanksgiving is quickly approaching. I found a recipe for fat free pumpkin bread. I plan on making a loaf this week so I can test it out before I serve it to my family. I hope it's delicious. If it's not I have time to come up with a plan B.

xxoo,

Monica 

Life in October

I began physical therapy today. I am sore, but know that pain brings change.

Mi hija gave me a product called "Rapid Lash". Chemo treatments made my eyelashes fall out. I've been using Rapid Lash for almost a year and my eyelashes are back and they look amazing. I still like wearing false lashes, but I'm only going to wear them when I want to look extra special. Gracias Brianna :).

Lack of estrogen es no bueno. Hormones are so important. My GYN is working with me to fix the problem. Lack of hormones causes bladder and kidney issues. If you can avoid having a hysterectomy do so. I can't say this enough. 

I finally found a new rheumatologist. This doctor comes highly recommended. So much so my appointment isn't until February. That was the first available! I hope good things come to those who wait.

ABC has two incredibly funny new TV shows, "Blackish" and "Cristela". So happy to see such diversity on a major network. "Modern Family" is still my absolute favorite comedy show. This season has been perfection. It's nice to take a break from all the stress and enjoy something pleasant.

Abrazos,

Monica